There’s something happening to women in their late 30s and 40s —and it’s not just hot flashes or hormone charts.
It’s a vibe shift. A neurological rewiring. A f*ck-it power that’s as biological as it is behavioural. And I am totally here for it.
You may have already witnessed it: women in midlife no longer performing politeness, no longer contorting themselves to fit into archaic structures, no longer interested in being “nice” or playing team Mum. Just efficient. Clear. And totally unbothered.
This is not burnout. Although lets not forget that is happening too often too. It’s a hormone-driven liberation—and it’s freaking people out, especially at work.
The Biological Backstory: Why Women Stop Giving a F*ck
Disclaimer: I am not a doctor. But I am a researcher and a women in perimenopause, and this is what I have found out so far.
During perimenopause (typically mid-40s to mid-50s although in my experience, this started mid-30s), major hormonal shifts are happening:
- Progesterone declines → Less people-pleasing, less soothing, less emotional buffering.
- Estrogen fluctuates → Impacts serotonin and dopamine, shifting emotional priorities.
- Oxytocin levels shift → Less pull toward emotional caretaking of others.
- Cortisol recalibrates → Stress reactivity often lessens; emotional tolerance for nonsense drops.
Women report feeling sharper, clearer, and less emotionally available for the micro-politics of work. They don’t need to be liked. They need to do what matters.
Enter the boss-level boundary-setting and precision leadership that companies didn’t necessarily prepare for.
The Reaction: Why Midlife Women Get Labeled “Difficult”
When women stop softening their words and shaping their presence to make others feel comfortable, they get labelled:
- “Too blunt”
- “Not a team player”
- “Intense”
- “Unemotional”
Translation? She’s no longer emotionally underwriting the comfort of others. She’s dangerous—but only to those whose expectations are that women need to be inherently Yes people or people pleasers.
The very traits that midlife women are punished for—clarity, assertiveness, non-negotiable standards—are the exact traits we idolise in male leadership.
This isn’t about attitude. It’s about biology finally aligning with experience, and no longer asking for permission.
The Misread: Seeing Leadership as a Threat
There’s a theory—unspoken but very alive—that as women gain autonomy and shed their socialization to please, they become “unmanageable.”
The truth?
They become un-gaslightable.
They become uninterested in small talk when the strategy is broken.
They become unwilling to smile while being interrupted in meetings.
This isn’t insubordination. It’s leadership on its clearest setting.
This is not the decline – This is the prime. What remains when you shed the unpaid roles of emotional caretaking, tactful self editing and fear of being ‘too much’ is laser focus on what is needed to succeed in business.
Lucky For Us, The Role Models Are Everywhere
From comedian Jenny Eclair, who called her menopausal rage a “superpower,” to media personalities like Davina McCall and Melani Sanders (of viral “We Do Not Care” fame), women are publicly owning this era as the most strategic and satisfying chapter of their lives.
They’re not checking out. They’re checking in—to their power, their boundaries, and their real voice and inspiring and reassuring the rest of us that this new phase isn’t something to be feared by embraced.
The So What
Companies constantly say they want innovation, resilience, and no-nonsense execution. What they often don’t realise is that they’re overlooking their most battle-tested, biologically bulletproof leaders.
If we keep labeling this power shift as “difficult,” we’ll keep losing our best, boldest talent at the exact moment she’s ready to lead without apology.
It’s time to stop fearing the perimenopausal woman in the boardroom.
She’s not the problem.
She’s the answer.
The So What... 
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